Juicy Story

I realize that what I most often write about is love. There's a reason for that. Being only 16, I have had much experience with love. I don't mean the kind of love where most teenage girls are only 2 weeks or so into a relationship and say "I love you", and then tell each boyfriend after that the same thing. When you tell every guy you love them, that can't really be love, especially when your relationships only last a month. I have only ever had 2 boys in my life who I love (and still love), and I find that it is much different having known them and loved them for 4 years than to have only known them for a few weeks. Over the years my feelings have done nothing but grow, and I have never felt more sure that they belong in my life. One of them I love as my brother, I go to him with everything, and now he's always there for me. We tried out the romantic dating think but it just didn't work. We just don't have feelings for each other in that way. Even though it didn't work, I still love him, and want him in my life (like my future...), and he feels the same way. We didn't ever end things on a bad note, and we just know that we need each other. The other guy, him and I are complicated. We met between 7th and 8th grade. We fell hard and fast for each other. We spent almost all summer together, and just talked. We quickly fell in love. Typically, I guard my heart like crazy. I don't take leaps of faith or just go for it. But that summer I asked him out. He said yes. We ended up dating on and off until the beginning of 10th grade. Problem was, I was always the one breaking up with him. I was always scared to death. When things got to serious, I ran away. I didn't know what else to do. I was afraid of how bad the heartbreak would be when it happened. Eventually, things got better. Now we're friends again, and he's dating other girls. I just want him to be happy, but I know I'm in love with him. We've actually been told by friends, parents, siblings, ect. that we act like an old married couple. So I'm stuck. I don't want to tell him because I don't want to mess things up again. He's having some serious issues with other girls, not even just me right now, so  I don't know. Problem is he knows me better than anyone so he can tell that something's wrong, I'm just lucky he hasn't figured it out yet. I realize this turned into more of  a diary entry... that's okay though, name of my blog and all, right?