Dear boy,
I'm gonna miss you. I d ok by want to miss you. But I do, and I will. Part of me wishes I had never told you I need space, but I know it was for the best, i didn't want to hurt her. she's like my sister. all the times we've hurt each other, i never meant for it too happen. i never fell out of love with you, i never moved on. i was scared, so scared. how serious we were getting, how deep my feelings were, so i managed to make a mess of things. i didn't know how to handle things. when we separated for the last time, it wasn't because i didn't love you anymore, or because we were too serious. you forgot how much i know you. how much i can tell what you're thinking and feeling. you had moved on, while we were still together. i couldn't bare it. i was suppressing my fear, my fear that you would break my heart. in the end, you did. i couldn't handle being more committed than you. i was used to you always being there for me, for your great love and kindness. when you weren't here anymore, mentally and emotionally, i couldn't bare it. i knew it would be better for both of us if we weren't together anymore. so i ended it. i wish i had ended it differently, but i can't go back and change that. while you moved on, never letting on until i saw you and some girl together. it broke my heart, and my heart kept breaking while you moved on. some part of me wished that you still had feelings for me. that you still cared for me. truth of the matter, you didn't, and you don't. you care for me as a friend, as a sister even, but that's it. when i found out you started dating her, my heart cracked into millions of pieces. why she could be with you, and i had to sit back and wait and watch. but i care more about her than another chance with you. i may love you still, more than i ever have loved anyone else, but if i have to, i can be without you in my life, but breaking her heart because i made a foolish decision would hurt me, and hurt our friendship forever. i wish you were still with me in my life, and, most of all, i wish i knew how to move on. i've tried and tried, but you're still in my heart, and might be forever. im happy for you, and your strength. you've matured so much since we have been together. I'm sorry i had to cut you off. it may have been selfish, but i didn't want to end up hurting you again, or being hurt again. i love you still, and hopefully that will change soon. i can't go on like this, pining for you. maybe i need closure, but i don't know how to get that. short of simply asking you if you have moved on, but i don't think i could take the answer. it would either hurt me, or hurt you, her, and me. if i ever move on, i hope you can be my friend again. because i don't think i could live without you in my life. if you read this, just please, either say you still care, still love me, or stay cut off from me, and concentrate on your love for her. just please, i beg you, don't break her heart. stay faithful and respect her. if you move on emotionally, break up with her. have the balls to say what you're thinking and feeling. you'll know who you are when you read this.
love,
me
