Juicy Story

I realize that what I most often write about is love. There's a reason for that. Being only 16, I have had much experience with love. I don't mean the kind of love where most teenage girls are only 2 weeks or so into a relationship and say "I love you", and then tell each boyfriend after that the same thing. When you tell every guy you love them, that can't really be love, especially when your relationships only last a month. I have only ever had 2 boys in my life who I love (and still love), and I find that it is much different having known them and loved them for 4 years than to have only known them for a few weeks. Over the years my feelings have done nothing but grow, and I have never felt more sure that they belong in my life. One of them I love as my brother, I go to him with everything, and now he's always there for me. We tried out the romantic dating think but it just didn't work. We just don't have feelings for each other in that way. Even though it didn't work, I still love him, and want him in my life (like my future...), and he feels the same way. We didn't ever end things on a bad note, and we just know that we need each other. The other guy, him and I are complicated. We met between 7th and 8th grade. We fell hard and fast for each other. We spent almost all summer together, and just talked. We quickly fell in love. Typically, I guard my heart like crazy. I don't take leaps of faith or just go for it. But that summer I asked him out. He said yes. We ended up dating on and off until the beginning of 10th grade. Problem was, I was always the one breaking up with him. I was always scared to death. When things got to serious, I ran away. I didn't know what else to do. I was afraid of how bad the heartbreak would be when it happened. Eventually, things got better. Now we're friends again, and he's dating other girls. I just want him to be happy, but I know I'm in love with him. We've actually been told by friends, parents, siblings, ect. that we act like an old married couple. So I'm stuck. I don't want to tell him because I don't want to mess things up again. He's having some serious issues with other girls, not even just me right now, so  I don't know. Problem is he knows me better than anyone so he can tell that something's wrong, I'm just lucky he hasn't figured it out yet. I realize this turned into more of  a diary entry... that's okay though, name of my blog and all, right?

Beautiful Song

Another one of my favorites

Song choice:)

Sorry... seems I'm on a real Katharine Mcphee kick lately...
must just be because I'm so obsessed with SMASH :D

Daily Thoughts

Sometimes it seems easier to hate a person than to love them. With love comes a plethora of other emotions, but hatred is more straightforward. Love brings jealousy and happiness, confusion, sadness, joy, fear, pride and many others. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the other emotions and forget that the love is there and always will be. Love is one of the most complex emotions out there. It is the hardest to know if you are actually experiencing, or if it is simply infatuation. A good trick to know if your actually in love is such: you care about a person being happy more than you and said person being together. In my opinion, that is true love. When you can love someone yet let them go so they can be happy in life.

Thoughts for the day

Things can change in the blink of an eye so its best not to take advantage of the things you treasure most. People come in and out of your life and often there's not much you can do about it. So when someone special enters your life, cherish them and let them know how you feel

I love this!!

Stronger

Love&Heartbreak

I love you, and that's something that I'm going to have to live with. Your happy right now with her, and I can't take your happiness away from you, because I've done that enough already. Even though it's killing me to see you with her I just have to deal with it. I know that things will never be the same, and maybe that's a good thing. If they were I would have already crushed your heart again, and I can't bear to hurt you again. Had I realized what we had, or how I felt at the time, maybe things wouldn't be like this. Or maybe this needed to happen in order for me to realize my feelings. All those times I hurt you, I hate myself for them, but I'm trying to figure out why you don't. Loving you is the hardest thing I have ever been through. It's breaking my heart into pieces, but I'm still waiting for it to be put back together again.

Love

Love is a tricky thing. It comes when you least expext it. Sometimes from the person you least want it from. And sometimes you love a person. Wether that love is returned or not, you have it. It won't just go away, because when you love someone, they will always have a place in your heart no matter where things end up.

had this song stuck in my head when i was writing the first post earlier, figured, why not just post it?

Pressure

So, my first post huh? I never know what to write when it's something that seems important. There's pressure, and honestly, I do not cope well under pressure. If you had ever heard me sing when I'm nervous you would know that. My voice gets all pitchy and cracky (which are 2 totally made up but completely accurate words) and i just, stall. I greatly admire those people who perform well under, or even thrive on, pressure. I have never figured out how they do it, but congrats, it is a true talent and skill. Now if only there was a way to quickly and easily learn that. Oh well. Guess I'm stuck tanking auditions for choir in the meantime.